Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
