We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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