So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
