She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
