I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
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