Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
