you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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