I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
