My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
