Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
