He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
