i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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