Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
