Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
