we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
