those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
