How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
