remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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