so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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