I seem to have left my pride at pride
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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