I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
