I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
