@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize