There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
