She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
