We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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