Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
