Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
