Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i love accidental penises.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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