lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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