I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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