i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
