i think my tv is drunk
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
