I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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