my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
