matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
