Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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