dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
