I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
