a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
