Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
