Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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