I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
