the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
