They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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