Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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