Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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