I will die if light touches me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
