At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
