Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
