Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
