I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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