i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
