That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
