You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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