I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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