Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize