i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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