Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
