I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
