I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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