Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
