and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
soo... how was my night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
