He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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