You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize