i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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