I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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